One of those days

Yes, I'm feeling sorry for myself this morning. Praying would probably help but I don't want to pray. Maybe because I would feel better and then I couldn't wallow in my self pity. Being alone a great deal of the time is an excuse. If only there was that special person that would say good morning and maybe touch my hand. How did I let this happen! Mostly by being selfish and making everything about me. Even now when I attempt to ease a hurt or show a friend that they mean something to me I'm hoping that it makes me feel better also. I do feel better but there is always that little voice inside that is anticipating. Where is that scripture that explains this all to me. I'm so tired sometimes. No one needs me.

Tears again or maybe still

Tomorrow will be one week since the senseless shooting in Tucson. All week it has been reporting fact, reporting speculation, reporting heroism, reporting sadness. Is it really effecting the entire nation as it is Arizona? Remembering the events of 9/11, I actually watched on TV the second plane hitting the towers. It was New York this is Washington state. I knew no one in New York. My day went on as usual except for constant conversation regarding the mornings tragedy and then constant TV coverage for weeks. The tragedy began a war and then two wars. Violence begetting violence. Perhaps the Arizona tragedy will begin the healing of America and compassion from us who call America home. Tonight the tears swelled up in my eyes again as NBC news reported on a woman who lost her baby son a few years ago and began making ceramic wind chimes she calls "Bells for Ben". She and other volunteers make them, attach a note asking for peace and love and hang them from trees all over the Tucson area. What a beautiful way to remember a loved one plus spread his love throughout the community.
Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. 1Peter 3: 9

'tis the season

Are you up for watching the Lunar Eclipse tonight? I will be standing outside around 11:00 in the hopes the clouds part enough to make it visible. Wouldn't you know that a monumental occurrence would happen in a state where clouds are seldom visible. God willing I won't be disappointed. Just was thinking about what the night must have been like over 2000 years ago. Apparently it was clear as a star shown in the East. Imagine all the good and bad things that have happened in our world and, during it all, the same sky was visible to everyone. Rich, poor, no matter the color of your skin, we are all covered by the same sky. "under God" At this beautiful time of year when we are reminded constantly of "goodwill" I pray we remember that we are all created equal. My prayer for 2011 is, "God help all the nations of our small world to come together to worship you. Let us put aside religious differences and know you are The Lord God who made us all. I'm not as educated as some but simple isn't so bad.

Christmas in Montana

With my eyes closed I remember the sound of tires crunching the snow as someone drove into the yard. My heart would begin to beat faster and I would get goose bumps on my butt. Will this be a good visit or will there be yelling and fighting and cursing again. My hiding place was either the bedroom I shared with my brother or the porch by the backdoor. This particular Christmas I was 8 years old and the visitor was my older brother. Dale was drunk and, I think only came home to antagonise our father. Mom was as nervous and I was scared. She always tried to keep peace between them. Most of the time Dale and Dad would yell and cuss at each other and then Dale would slam out of the house. Dad would blame mom's mother for his bad attitude by calling her every name in the book. Mom would cry, Dad would stumble to bed. For some reason I cannot remember where Jerry, my younger brother, was during all of this. I guess the reason this night keeps rearing it's head at Christmas is because that night Dale brought me 10 funny books as a present. It made me feel so good that he had remembered me. Maybe that was one night I felt loved by someone other than my mom.

'tis the season

"Little children nestled in their beds while visions of sugar plums dance in their heads" Wouldn't it be wonderful if Christmas was just filled with happiness, love, joy, food we don't ordinarily eat, eggnog with 10,000 calories in every sip and family gathered together around a table adorned with a feast fit for a king. But, people are sick, people are dying, people are afraid, people are alone. My giving to those in need in no way causes me to feel the threat of losing my home or my dignity. I know I can't begin to save all those who need just the basic necessities. I can pray that we can all be conscience of the injustice in our society. God is in charge. Jesus came to teach. The holy spirit fills us. We hear this every year but, here it is again. Let us keep Christ in Christmas all year.

Sad Day

47 years ago November 22 was a sad day for me and the whole world. Time seemed to stop. It was not real. Three days of news reels and tears. Lee Harvey Oswald shot in front of our eyes and then Jack Ruby. So much speculation. One shooter or more. Did Johnson have something to do with it. Can we trust him to be president. I was 21 years old and had voted in my first presidential election. Mr. Kennedy was special. His family was special. How could this happen? I remember as though it was yesterday. Dressed in a gray dress, it was about 1:00 in the offices of Blue Cross of Oregon in Portland, I had just returned from lunch. The announcement came from the administrator's office and quickly circulated throughout the 4th floor. It was so quiet. No one spoke, we were all stunned. The entire building closed immediately. My girlfriend and I drove to her parent's house where we remained clued to the black and white television for those long tearful 3 days. John John's salute brought the only smile through the tears. It seems as though our political system began a slow decline from that time on.

It's about time

Yes, it is about time I again use this media means to communicate with friends and family. Trying to get my mind around all the different tools available to us today is mind-boggling. Friday was a day of mixed emotions. Good friends arrived from Washington State to visit, such a blessing. but Carin Kelly and the kids plus rats and dogs began driving the many miles from Phoenix to Williston, North Dakota. I will miss them but so grateful that they will again be a family together. Waiting patiently for Carin to call, most likely will text, telling me they arrived safely. Snow has been predicted for much of Montana and the Dakotas so prayers have been surrounding them asking for safe travel. Phil and Sharon, friends from Washington, have worked in agriculture with me and we are still all very interested in crops and harvesting. Friday, on our way to Tucson, we stopped a few miles from Maricopa to watch cotton being harvested and prepared for the gin mill. Of course my first thought was perhaps there will be Gin & Tonic tasting. Nooo, seems this cotton is baled and made ready to ship. One other interesting feature is the seeds that are removed from the cotton are ground and used for cattle feed. I took lots of pictures with my phone thinking I could load them to the computer but no luck. The little gadget that holds the card from the phone will not fit in my PC. As Gilda Radner would say, "It's always something."